While the podcast is releasing new episodes and documenting our journey (with about a 2 week real time lag) there are so many other phone calls, conversations and aha moments happening outside of what you hear. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with this reality.
Should I ask Kevin to record with me more often? Should I record weekly solo episodes giving updates? Nothing seemed like the right answer because, remember… the preciousness of our time is paramount, and there are so many other things we love doing. One of the most beautiful parts of Kevin and I’s relationship is where I question, he has answers, and where he questions, I have answers. Kevin is constantly urging me to remember that the podcast is meant to be “just for us”. Not that he doesn’t care about you, the listener, but that the most authentic expression of the podcast is simply to share our journey as best we can, knowing there will be gaps and inconsistencies and not a full absolute complete picture. Then spend our remaining time empowering ourselves to remember that we hold all the other truths about who we are and where we are going already in ourselves. Without anyone noticing.
Then it hit me.
Oh.. My.. Gawd.. ya know what this is about, again?!
Asking permission.
Seriously?! Am I already back to this life lesson, without a blog post in between? Yes, Yes, I am. Wow, I guess I needed to hear it again. Read my first blog post about receiving permission HERE.
So this is me learning the lesson, yet again, and I am trying to absorb it for real this time. The fact is, if someone doesn’t understand what we are going through (subtext “someone”=the loved ones I want to understand me the most) it is not Kevin and I’s responsibility to break down our every action so they can understand it easier. My role model and friend, Kathy, keeps trying to get me to understand this. Kathy, I think I hear you this time!
The best we can do is be present, share what we can (which will be as honest and real as possible) and then keep trying to move forward. Holding both the practice of appreciating the right now, and also making incremental steps towards our future. This of course is very very challenging. But we have come to a place in our life where it is impossible to not do it. And, as I reach out to connect with more people through the podcast and by having the types of conversations I am craving, I am realizing that we are not alone in this desire. You want this too.
We all have permission.
Comments
2 responses to “so, I’m back here again?”
Hi Mary! I loved this (which is likely no surprise to you.) And I also loved how you recognized that need that nearly all of us have–the need for permission to be, do or have what we feel guided toward in our lives. I read recently, I think it was from Glennon Doyle’s latest book that most of us (especially women) running around taking a poll about what we should do or be (or have.) Rather than listening to that inner voice or following our guidance we want to run it by everyone we know to make SURE it’s the right thing. Crazy when you think about it, but it is such a deep behavior that I still catch myself, knowing full well that NO ONE is better equipped that my inner being to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do–by calling a friend or sending an email to get someone’s opinion. Thankfully I’m getting better but like so much of what I’ve learned, it’s one step, on day at a time. I so admire you because you are so much further down the path than I was at your age. I can’t wait to see how your life unfolds. ~Kathy
Thank you for being the first person to see these very personal thoughts and encouraging me to continue. Meeting you Kathy was such a turning point in my journey, you show me that this life, this way of thinking, is valuable and fulfilling regardless of how many followers you have or how much money you make from it. The right people will always find the messages they are meant to hear, and I was meant to hear yours. I am excited for my future as well, but I just took a beautiful walk with Kevin (54^ in KC right now in January!) and the right now felt pretty damn good too.